Now, it’s no secret I have a…”thing”…for Batman. But that was okay with the Dark Knight, because it was the fucking Dark Knight. And by now, you know how perfect that movie is. Well, sadly, for every Christian Bale in a rubber suit, there’s some guy who went to e-bay.
So where does this put us? This puts us square in our computer chairs, watching shitty fan videos. Not fan trailers, mind you - we’ve been there, and had some fun. No, we’re talking full Batman rape-age. Observe.
Yep. That’s right. Some guy in a Batman costume shopping. It was kind of funny for the first thirty seconds, then it get completely boring. I kept expecting the Joker or Catwoman or something to pop out and then….nothing. Thanks. I got Bat blue-balled.
I like what they did with this one. And by “like what they did,” I actually mean “They ripped off so much, and made it suck harder than a 12 year old girl in Thailand’s Red Light District.” Let’s list it, shall we? Firstly, they used that “Trailer approved” screen. Okay, whatever. Then, their logo for their “company” is actually the Warner Brother’s label, except with an S instead of a W, and new words on the banner. I don’t know what was up with the “Two Face [Ronnie?], Two Face!” thing after that logo, but it sucked. It sucked ass. I stabbed myself in the leg in order to keep me from throwing up all over my keyboard.
Then there’s their knockoff of the DC logo, immediately followed by a…gay guy? With a projector aiming random pictures on the wall behind him, but half off camera? Someone should have mentioned you need a dark room for projectors to work. Then there’s the footage of the kid putting on his Batman costume, except you can’t see what the fuck he’s doing. Then they don’t have any more voiceovers, so that sort of makes me confused as to what the fuck the movie is supposed to be about. I’m assuming the whole thing is actually about that gay “reporter” character. Then a Mad Hatter card, but no actual mention of the Mad Hatter. Then stock laughter, over the opening title screen of Batman Begins, except they slowed it down, greened it over, and sucked it up. Then the new Bat symbol, with what I believe is an Apocalyptica song playing over it. I don’t even know how much infringing they did, but they should be publicly flogged.
That’s “webisode 2.” Before you ask, no, I couldn’t find webisode 1. So, to sum it up, it’s another shittily acted Batman fan shit, this time Batman Beyond. I do have one question, though: what was up with that foldable ball grenade thing at 4:50?
Speaking of Batman Begins and stuff:
Look kids! It’s a fat guy in some Batman costume that looks like it’s loosely based on Batman Beyond, but poorly! I don’t understand the title of it (”BATMAN 1969 IS COMING PT4″), I don’t understand what it’s supposed to be about, I don’t know why it’s just a fat Batman standing there, with the camera turning sideways on him. But at least it’s better than “Batman: Enigma.”
So. We have a ton of characters: Batman, Batgirl, Black Canary, Robin (check near the end there), Huntress, Two-Face, Penguin, Mad Hatter, Catwoman, the Joker, and Harley Quinn. Honestly, the only character design I don’t like is the Joker. He’s not supposed to have a flat top, and am I the only one bothered by his cigar smoking at 1:25? I thought that was fucking Two-Face! And then right after that moment, there’s…I’m assuming Huntress, in some sort of cross between a trap from Saw and an anime wet dream. The Batman growl isn’t too bad, although to be frank, the acting sort of sounds like it sucks. Especially the Joker. But, hey, the women are attractive, so I can make do.
And then we have this. My personal favorite of the bunch. My only actual problem with it is with the Joker. Question: why is it that the Joker sucks in fan made trailers? Cesar Romero, Jack Nicholson, and Heath Ledger have all been fantastic jokers. Shit, Mark Hamill was even awesome voicing him in the 90s cartoon. Why do they keep sucking with the Joker?
